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lionlady
-----Mistress of Novices. -Total miles: 85,000+



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Total Posts : 2759
 
   Posted 9/8/2006 6:30 AM (GMT -7)    Quote This PostAlert An Admin About This Post.
Ladies, if you've got "fluff" to share, here is the place for it.
 
Jokes, comments, rants, pics of hot guys...
 
Making it a sticky so it will always be easy to find.
 
Pam


  Youth and talent are no match for age and treachery. 

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MrsZR7
2000 Kawasaki ZR-7



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   Posted 9/21/2006 6:45 PM (GMT -7)    Quote This PostAlert An Admin About This Post.
I thought this message board was for motorcycle talk ONLY????  At least that was the case about a year ago. rolleyes
At any rate, it's a great idea.  What forum did you steal the idea from?

Post Edited (MrsZR7) : 9/22/2006 1:49:37 AM GMT

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lionlady
-----Mistress of Novices. -Total miles: 85,000+



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   Posted 10/30/2006 10:30 AM (GMT -7)    Quote This PostAlert An Admin About This Post.
JON CARROLL - The San Franciso Chronicle Friday, April 8, 2005<!-- END WRITER CREDIT-->
<!-- end #contentheader --><!--
now part of stylesheet
--><!-- START STORY -->
 
The following is the first communique from a group calling itself Unitarian Jihad. It was sent to me at The Chronicle via an anonymous spam remailer. I have no idea whether other news organizations have received this communique, and, if so, why they have not chosen to print it. Perhaps they fear starting a panic. I feel strongly that the truth, no matter how alarming, trivial or disgusting, must always be told. I am pleased to report that the words below are at least not disgusting:

Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States. We are Unitarian Jihad. There is only God, unless there is more than one God. The vote of our God subcommittee is 10-8 in favor of one God, with two abstentions. Brother Flaming Sword of Moderation noted the possibility of there being no God at all, and his objection was noted with love by the secretary.

Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States! Too long has your attention been waylaid by the bright baubles of extremist thought. Too long have fundamentalist yahoos of all religions (except Buddhism -- 14-5 vote, no abstentions, fundamentalism subcommittee) made your head hurt. Too long have you been buffeted by angry people who think that God talks to them. You have a right to your moderation! You have the power to be calm! We will use the IED of truth to explode the SUV of dogmatic expression!

People of the United States, why is everyone yelling at you??? Whatever happened to ... you know, everything? Why is the news dominated by nutballs saying that the Ten Commandments have to be tattooed inside the eyelids of every American, or that Allah has told them to kill Americans in order to rid the world of Satan, or that Yahweh has instructed them to go live wherever they feel like, or that Shiva thinks bombing mosques is a great idea? Sister Immaculate Dagger of Peace notes for the record that we mean no disrespect to Jews, Muslims, Christians or Hindus. Referred back to the committee of the whole for further discussion.

We are Unitarian Jihad. We are everywhere. We have not been born again, nor have we sworn a blood oath. We do not think that God cares what we read, what we eat or whom we sleep with. Brother Neutron Bomb of Serenity notes for the record that he does not have a moral code but is nevertheless a good person, and Unexalted Leader Garrote of Forgiveness stipulates that Brother Neutron Bomb of Serenity is a good person, and this is to be reflected in the minutes.

Beware! Unless you people shut up and begin acting like grown-ups with brains enough to understand the difference between political belief and personal faith, the Unitarian Jihad will begin a series of terrorist-like actions. We will take over television studios, kidnap so-called commentators and broadcast calm, well-reasoned discussions of the issues of the day. We will not try for "balance" by hiring fruitcakes; we will try for balance by hiring non-ideologues who have carefully thought through the issues.

We are Unitarian Jihad. We will appear in public places and require people to shake hands with each other. (Sister Hand Grenade of Love suggested that we institute a terror regime of mandatory hugging, but her motion was not formally introduced because of lack of a quorum.) We will require all lobbyists, spokesmen and campaign managers to dress like trout in public. Televangelists will be forced to take jobs as Xerox repair specialists. Demagogues of all stripes will be required to read Proust out loud in prisons.

We are Unitarian Jihad, and our motto is: "Sincerity is not enough." We have heard from enough sincere people to last a lifetime already. Just because you believe it's true doesn't make it true. Just because your motives are pure doesn't mean you are not doing harm. Get a dog, or comfort someone in a nursing home, or just feed the birds in the park. Play basketball. Lighten up. The world is not out to get you, except in the sense that the world is out to get everyone.

Brother Gatling Gun of Patience notes that he's pretty sure the world is out to get him because everyone laughs when he says he is a Unitarian. There were murmurs of assent around the room, and someone suggested that we buy some Congress members and really stick it to the Baptists. But this was deemed against Revolutionary Principles, and Brother Gatling Gun of Patience was remanded to the Sunday Flowers and Banners committee.

People of the United States! We are Unitarian Jihad! We can strike without warning. Pockets of reasonableness and harmony will appear as if from nowhere! Nice people will run the government again! There will be coffee and cookies in the Gandhi Room after the revolution.


Startling new underground group spreads lack of panic! Citizens declare themselves "relatively unafraid" of threats of undeclared rationality. People can still go to France, terrorist leader says.
 
Get YOUR Unitarian Jihad Name!:  http://homepage.mac.com/whump/ujname.html
 
Sister Trebuchet of Unassuming Togetherness


  Youth and talent are no match for age and treachery. 

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BabyBecky
Registered Member



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Total Posts : 181
 
   Posted 1/3/2007 4:33 AM (GMT -7)    Quote This PostAlert An Admin About This Post.
Hi there - for what it's worth, I really like the idea of having a place to post 'random' items. Good idea, and thanks for putting it on here. This summer I plan to buy my own ride, if I don't get any unexpected bills. I will be back here with some bragging and pictures! Happy New year to you.


Baby Becky
Don't make me wait for my ride!
http://signalsorcerer.com/

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southspice
SV Power



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Total Posts : 1633
 
   Posted 11/28/2007 11:53 AM (GMT -7)    Quote This PostAlert An Admin About This Post.
turn Train Assignment
 
A man and a woman who have never met before, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping berth on a Transcontinental train trip.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing the accommodations, the two are tired and fall asleep quickly. He in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 2:00 AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman, saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold".

"I have a better idea," she replies. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea"!!! He exclaims.

"Good," she replies. "Get your own friggin blanket".

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southspice
SV Power



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   Posted 12/14/2007 10:24 PM (GMT -7)    Quote This PostAlert An Admin About This Post.
                  smile A Fairy Tale Quiz

Once upon a time there lived a king, you had a beautiful daughter named Princess Helen.

Although her beauty was overwhelming, she had a serious problem. Everything the princess would touched melted. No matter what substance, metal, wood, plastic-anything she touched would immediately melt!

Because of this, men were terribly frightened of her. With the fear of melting, no man would dare ask for her hand in marriage.

Because of this affliction, the king was desperate since he had no solution to help his daughter? Consulting the wizards and magicians of the kingdom, the elder wizard believed if the princess would be able to find one thing that did not melt in her hands, she would be cured.

The king was overjoyed. The next day, he holds a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt at her touch, could marry her and inherit the king's wealth.

Three young princes accepted the king's challenge.

The first prince brought a rod of steel. But alas, once the princess touched it, it promptly melted. The prince went on his away sadly.

The second prince has a large diamond. Knowing that a diamond was the hardest substance known to man. But alas, once the princess touched it, it also melted away. He too went away very disappointed.

The third prince approached. He told the princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there."

The princess did as she was told, though she turned red. She felt something hard. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!! The king was overjoyed, and everyone in the kingdom began the festivities.

As promised the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.

Question: What was the object in the prince's pants?

Answer: They were M&M's, of course. Everyone knows that they melt in your mouth, not in your hand. (What were you thinking?)

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southspice
SV Power



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   Posted 2/20/2008 8:51 AM (GMT -7)    Quote This PostAlert An Admin About This Post.
smilewinkgrin 

Subject: Fred's Will

 

Fred died. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last
guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend and
said, "Well, I'm sure Fred would be pleased."

"I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in
close, whispering, "How much did this really cost?"

"All of it," said Helen. "Thirty thousand."

"No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?"

Helen answered, "Well, the funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church. The
wake, food and drinks were another $500. The rest went for the memorial stone."

Jody computed quickly. "$22,500 for a memorial stone? My God, how big is it?!"

"Two and a half carats."    turn


          Life is a Ride ... Zoom ... Zoom !!

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southspice
SV Power



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   Posted 2/22/2008 5:42 AM (GMT -7)    Quote This PostAlert An Admin About This Post.


          Life is a Ride ... Zoom ... Zoom !!

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southspice
SV Power



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   Posted 3/12/2008 5:07 AM (GMT -7)    Quote This PostAlert An Admin About This Post.

              Adam & Eve

Adam was walking around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked him, “What is wrong with you?”

Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.

God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman. He said, “This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing she'll wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it.

Adam asked God, “What will a woman like this cost?”

God replied, “An arm and a leg.”

Then Adam asked, “What can I get for a rib?”

The rest is history.... 


              Life is a Ride ... Zoom ... Zoom !!

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southspice
SV Power



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   Posted 4/21/2008 11:21 AM (GMT -7)    Quote This PostAlert An Admin About This Post.

   smilewinkgrin  For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.

"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.

The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.

"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.

Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on it's head."


              Life is a Ride ... Zoom ... Zoom !!

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southspice
SV Power



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   Posted 11/21/2008 10:02 AM (GMT -7)    Quote This PostAlert An Admin About This Post.
    turn        13 Things PMS Stands For:

      1.    Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly - Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
13. Potential Murder Suspect

I'm sure there are plenty more to Add!! ;-)


      

                   Forget world peace ... Visualize using your turn signal !!

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goodies
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   Posted 11/21/2008 10:09 AM (GMT -7)    Quote This PostAlert An Admin About This Post.

My favorite!

Parked Motorcylce Syndrome!!

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southspice
SV Power



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   Posted 12/8/2008 5:53 AM (GMT -7)    Quote This PostAlert An Admin About This Post.

smilewinkgrin Woman Hood

We start to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find anything that comes in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurts so bad it brings us to tears. Enter the almighty, uncomfortable training bra contraption the boys in school will snap until we have calluses on our backs.

Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we now bloat, we cramp, we get the hormone crankies, have to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.

Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) is having sex for the first time which is about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.

Then it's off to Motherhood where we learn to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we don't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learn to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we're having Rosemary's Baby.

Our once flat bellies now look like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee our pants every time we sneeze. When the big moment arrives, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions will invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we'll waddle with our big cartoon feet moaning in pain all the way to the ER.

Then it's huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more (or 10) good pushes," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the ***** (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 lb bowling ball through a keyhole.

After that, it's time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morph into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.

The teen years. Need I say more?


The kids are almost grown now and we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.

Now we hit the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take the HR. and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.

Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men get off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...

Now I love being a woman but "Womanhood" would make the Great Ghandi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right!!


      

                   Forget world peace ... Visualize using your turn signal !!

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mscookie
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   Posted 12/3/2009 8:51 AM (GMT -7)    Quote This PostAlert An Admin About This Post.
these were all so funny.thanks for the great laugh. I have no joke to share today but I am still smiling
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